When there is Storm in a Teacup

Very often you hear shrill comments and raised voices between two people, but if you know all that huff is to iron out differences between them, you don’t want to poke your nose there.  

Disagreements can be resolved. They are different from a conflict. Disagreement involves a difference of opinion, belief, or idea. The difference does not cause a problem because both parties accept the other's point of view as valid and are courteous with each other as they reach a compromise.

Conflict explodes from a disagreement when one or both of the parties is narrow-minded or egocentric, and the other's perspective is seen as invalid.

All disagreements involve some kind of conflict, yet every disagreement need not reach full-scale pandemonium. If both parties are mature and self-confident, any problem that arises should be solvable between them. If not, conflict is bound to arise often over petty situations. Yes, for others the reasons may look silly, but for those in the thick of the storm, those very same reasons may steal their sleep and deprive them of their dignity.

Nipping it in the Bud.

Your role as a leader is to observe when you have to step in as mediator. This becomes necessary only when the conflicting parties cannot reach an amicable solution, when it takes too long to make a commitment, if insults fly in the open, if team functioning and results head towards a limbo, or if the solution reached is insufficient to bring about lasting peace.

Once you decide that intervention is necessary, you may want to confront the parties separately. Only after you have met with each individually, it is desirable that you meet them together.

The intervention should be in a neutral setting. It must be a down-to-earth chat. Don't indulge in management fundamentals and long lectures. Don't try bully tactics to get staffers to behave. Talk the problem out and really try to see the point of view of each party. Let them spell it out for you, even if they say they have discussed this with each other. 

Very often, when the conflicting parties meet by themselves, even when it is presumably to find out if they can reach a via-media, during the confrontation the listening is clouded with judgement and anger. Now when they do it in front of you, they have already expressed their angst several times, the anger is diffused, so both the speaker and listener pay attention from a different zone. If the parties seem to be reaching a solution, let them continue. You are only a mediator.

The cause of the conflict must be first determined. If both parties stubbornly refuse to agree on what happened, more importantly, why it happened, you may need to wipe the slate clean. That is, you need to tell them you want them to start anew and forget the incident. Actually, they may jump at the chance to do this. If the conflict has gone beyond that, you need to work with the parties to reach a solution on which they will both agree.

There will always be times when the parties won't agree on a single solution. In such a case, use your own judgment. Dragging out problem solving can backfire and end up making the problem worse.

Of course, once a solution has been decided on and implemented, you need to check regularly to see that the agreement is being kept. If the process is successful, both parties should be attempting to work the situation out. If the parties just cannot get along, it may be time to do some departmental reorganizing.

Put the Horse before the Cart.

Ideally, the best way to handle conflict is through prevention. There are several ways to avoid conflict in an organization. All it takes is a little creative thinking. For instance:

1. Have an employee assistance program specifically to address inter-personal issues.

2. Help staff recognize that they share a common goal to make the team/organization successful.

3. Inculcate by being an inspiring example that our focus should be on our contribution to the organization rather than our personal status.

4. Instill openness between co-workers, without compromising on their privacy.

5.   Display tips for handling conflicts in public areas such as canteen, hobby rooms and so on. 

6. Organize a workshop on conflict resolution.